a classic example of conflicts
So, for this post, I am supposed to describe in detail an interpersonal conflict situation. I don’t know about you, but whenever the word “conflict” comes up, other than the classical example of badman and joker’s long standing conflict, there is this one incident which I will always remember. And it is this very incident which I tell my friends, especially my juniors. Whilst sharing something this personal might bring judgement and criticism from people, but I guess what I really want is for people around me to learn, and hopefully not fall into that very same trap that I did 7 years back.
Just some background information, back in my secondary school days, my CCA had 2 heads (main in-charge) and 2 vice heads (assistant in-charge). I happened to land the role of one of the head, alongside the other in-charge, Alice (superficial name). What happened was that being young, ambitious and highly competitive, I used to view my CCA as 2 clans; one under Alice and of course, another under me, when it was really, supposed to be of just one entity. A lot of times, during leaders meeting, when decisions were being made, instead of looking out for the benefits of the entire CCA, I would be biased towards the interest of “my own group”. Being thrown with such huge power all of a sudden have led me to become hungry for more power and thirsty for more authority, which made me unreceptive to Alice’s ideas and insists on going my way for everything. This of course, resulted in resentment from the other executive committee members; even the vice-heads were fully aware and unhappy with me. But at that point in time, I realised nothing! Until things became obvious, where I was basically prejudiced and outcasted by Alice and my other 2 vice heads. It was then that I confronted Alice and the 2 vice heads. We had a long and huge argument, with each side throwing accusations and criticism at each other that led to unpleasantness me and the rest. Despite our agreement to continue working together when it comes to official matters, we stopped contacting each other apart from work related matters even after graduation. Basically, our friendship was lost.
At that moment, being young, insensitive and foolish, I just thought “They are the worst friends one can have”. It was only later on when I look back that I realised, “Thank God for all of that!” As it was only after throwing out all our frustrations and displeasure and upon reflecting on my actions that I realised what grave mistakes I’ve made back then. Those friends were the ones who have seen the worst side of me, instead of washing the linens in public; they were the ones who took the courage to confront me behind closed doors to give me feedback. They were the ones who painstakingly endured all my irrational and nonsensical moments
I have to confess that I really owe them a lot in so many ways. Without that experience, I might have been still the same old me 7 years ago; tactless and obnoxious. So, they were the ones who have made me who I am today in so many ways. Imagine you were in my shoes, what would you have done to salvage our friendship after such a huge argument and conflict? Honestly, it’s something which I really regret not handling well enough to cost myself 3 great friends.
On a lighter note, the next time you’re in a conflict, remember, whoever is giving you feedback are your true friends, because, only true friends would be courageous enough to give you feedback simply because they truly care for you and want to bring out the best in you 🙂