#3: Application Letter Critique

The Hiring Manager

Human Resource Department

8 Eu Tong Sen Street, #20-89/90

The Central 059818 Singapore

FGE@fgenergy.com _________________________________________________________________________________

23 February 2013

Dear Hiring Manager


I am writing to express my interest as a Specialist consultant in Gas/LNG in FACTS Global Energy. My expected graduation is in May 2013, with honours in Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering. I am keen on starting my career with FACTS Global Energy as I believe in the mission of providing high-quality strategic advice and giving personal attention by visiting their offices and by establishing open and direct dialogue between staff and clients. With FACTS’s presence in 7 nations around the globe to facilitate personal interaction with clients, is especially alluring for me, as I am deeply intrigued by the idea of intercultural communication and possible overseas working opportunities with FACTS Global Energy eventually in the near future. Thus, I do hope to be given the opportunity to be part of your esteemed firm.

During my internship with Jurong Consultants, I have also had the opportunity to be involved in various projects that are based in Middle East – Dubai, Qatar etc. all these projects involved liaison with clients overseas. Thus, I do know the importance of maintaining a professional relationship with clients. Moreover, during my exchange in Europe, I have travelled to 20 countries and 100 cities in Europe and attended a course on effective cross cultural communication and organizational behaviour with 30 other nationalities; thus, helping me gain insights into effective communication with different nationalities which I believe is an invaluable asset in this globalised economy.

Having been through a five month rigorous training in public speaking and professional communication also equips me with the necessary skill sets to ensure competency in case presentation to clients – a fundamental skill in the consultancy field. On top of that, I have had the privilege to intern at Bluetec Investment company for one month during my vacation to gain insights in the highly volatile and challenging banking and trading industry. These, I believe are the intangible skills which I can offer to help FACTS Global Energy pursue its mission in  providing high-quality and personalized strategic advice to clients.

I really look forward to being given the opportunity by your esteemed firm to an interview session with you, to get to know more about FACTS Global and for you to get to know me better at your convenience. You may reach me at (+65) 91234567 or XXX@gmail.com.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours Sincerely,

Chew Zhi Yan Aster

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3 Responses to #3: Application Letter Critique

  1. Jie Ying says:

    Hello Aster!

    Overall, I think you have written your application letter very well! It is written in an interesting manner that is engaging and I enjoyed it! I believe that you have successfully made you letter stand out from the many others which the hiring manager has to read. Your letter is clear, courteous and concrete with good organization and format. Your language used is accurate and very reader-friendly! The following is the breakdown of my evaluation for your letter:
    I think you have missed out the company’s name at the top, before the address of the company.

    Your first paragraph has fulfilled its purpose and shown genuine knowledge and your interest in the company.

    The second and third paragraphs are very well written and informative. It highlighted greatly on how your experiences will be very relevant and beneficial with your entry to the company. You managed to sell and market yourself effectively with the skill set that the company values, which in this case is your proficiency to work globally with your equipped communication skills. Thus, these two paragraphs have successfully made your letter persuasive and cohesive in achieving its purpose.

    You have also fulfilled the required content in the fourth and last paragraphs, where you thank the hiring manager, express keen interest in meeting him or her, and indicate the information to contact you.

    Perhaps, your fourth paragraph can be better improved by paraphrasing it in a more concise manner. I suggest “I really look forward to be given an interview opportunity by your esteemed firm to get to know more about FACTS Global and for you to know me better. You may reach me at XXX or XXX at your convenience. “. You may also want to consider justifying the alignment of your letter to look a little neater. 🙂

    It is a pleasure to read your letter and it definitely serves as a good learning example for me! All the best to your job application!

    • asterchew says:

      Heys Jieying!

      Thanks for your feedback! You’re right! I blatantly forgot about inserting the company name above.

      I always forget about justifying my paragraphs. 🙂 Will take note of that (I hope!)

      Good luck with your job hunt! 🙂


  2. Hiranya says:

    Hello Aster,
    I am very impressed with your cover letter.
    Its nice to see that you have a mission statement, lined with that of the company. You also show a clear awareness about the company. Your choice of words, ‘alluring’ ‘intrigued’ & ‘ esteemed firm’ is indicative of your passion to join the company, and you have in the subsequent paragraphs, clearly displayed your skills that make you suitable for the job. Your letter fulfills the two things I feel companies would look out for in a person, that he must be good at what he is doing, and enjoy what he does.
    If I were to look hard enough, perhaps the only issue I cant point out ( & this is a minor one) is that felt the the usage of ‘know me better’ is a little informal, and ambiguous. Perhaps, you could rather say ‘discuss my suitability’ or something along those lines.
    Honestly speaking though, I think this is a very good cover letter. Great job Aster, and best wishes that you are successful in your application. 🙂

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